Subscription postcards: Governor Bigfoot, motivating achievement, and radical banana slugs

Postcard collage. Bigfoot in a suit, with the caption "California Governor". Above that is the phrase "The Most Impossible Job in the World".

Hello Sharon! You are the recipient of one of two Bigfoot postcards I’ve written this month. As you might have guessed, I really like Bigfoot and hope you do too. Did you know that modern political campaigning was born in the 1934 California gubernatorial race? Democratic candidate Upton Sinclair lost the race when Republican operatives launched a smear campaign asserting that Sinclair was secretly a Bigfoot who wished to redistribute the contents of California picnic baskets. Sad but true.*-Mike

*Not true at all. No Bigfoots ran for governor until the 2003 California recall election. Sinclair not smeared on Bigfoot charges. Learn more here:

Postcard collage: A little man grasping a gigantic yellow banana slug. Text: "Must-have products, promotions, and services to fuel an active lifestyle".

Hello Sacha! Ever since I arrived in the Pacific Northwest, I’ve been stocking up on the latest and greatest outdoor gear. I need it to keep weekend warriors from laughing at me. Last year the trend was using llamas as pack animals. This year the hot new fad is slug-packing. My new banana slug weighs 900 pounds and carries all my gear no problem. His name is Chiquita.

Postcard collage: A man with a weird helmet-and-camera face, in front of a waterfall, beneath the word "ACHIEVE" in all capital letters.

Hello Jeff! And happy New Year. Everyone is making New Year’s resolutions right now. (Mine: reduce Chef Boyardee intake to less than 50% of total diet, launch successful class-action lawsuit against ConAgra Foods). So I figured you might like a motivational postcard to help you succeed. Commanding you to achieve seems pretty motivational, so I am optimistic this postcard will help.

Important update: The oblong, flesh colored area in the middle of the above picture is not a male appendage. It is an abdomen. You can find the G-rated original image here. Sorry for the heart attack, mom.

Subscription postcards: Big money, big pills, Bigfoot

Postcard collage: A gigantic wallet in the sky above a sunset-lit Crater Lake. Text: The word "GOOD" in large, capital letters.

Hello Erin, and happy New Year from the United States! Do you have heavy-handed sarcasm in Canada? If not, congratulations: Upon receipt of this postcard, you will be the first Canadian in possession of this awesome new art form! Your friends will be wary; try to explain how great it is. Naw, just kidding. The secret purpose of this postcard is to illustrate my belief that utility is not equivalent to moral authority. Inanimate objects can not be good or evil; moral authority is derived from the proper exercise of individual agency blah blah blah should have sent you another Bigfoot postcard.

Postcard collage: Elvis and Nixon, with the text "Our Pill-Filled Lives" and an old-style TV set.

Hello Evgeniya! Fun fact: The Elvis-Nixon photo is the most requested document from the National Archives. If we lived in a fair and just world, the most requested document would be the photo of Jimmy Carter and Johnny Cash. Cash was married to Jimmy’s cousin, June Carter. What a family reunion that would be.

Postcard collage: Bigfoot in a suit, with the text "Elect Bigfoot" and another block of text that says: "Are we sliding into a period of moral anarchy? In at least some of the arts, society seems incapable of establishing standards adequate to its own protection."

Hey Steve — remember earlier how I was telling you how I try to send postcards that appeal specifically to you? As a fellow artist, I thought you would want to be kept up to date re: our slide into moral anarchy. I am not sure if the text in this postcard refers to Bigfoot’s campaign platform, or if it’s a commentary on Bigfoot’s candidacy, or if it is a criticism of this postcard itself.

Subscription postcards: Bigfoot, science, and a mess of eggs

Postcard collage of hungry Sasquatch about to eat footballer

Hi Erin — Greetings from Seattle! I got this postcard at a gas station along Interstate 5. Gas stations are where you can get some of the best Bigfoot swag. Do they have Bigfoot in Canada? I hope so. Last summer a guy in Montana was killed while he was trying to do a Bigfoot hoax. He was dressed in a ghillie suit, trying to scare motorists on a busy highway. Then a teenager ran him over. The police said the hoaxer had probably been drinking. I am skeptical, though. I want to believe that a real Bigfoot caught him hoaxing, and was so enraged that he ran over the hoaxer himself. Then the cops had to do a cover-up to prevent mass panic over Bigfoot’s vehicular homicide. If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. I think Bigfoot would probably drive one of those cars like Fred Flintstone has.

Postcard collage explaining the science behind Mount Saint Helens

Hello Beth! Greetings from Seattle, where I’m spending Thanksgiving. This postcard is billed as a before and after shot of the Mount Saint Helens eruption. I think that’s misleading. Really it’s a before and during comparison.

Postcard collage of Washington State Thanksgiving

Hi Kevin, and greetings from Seattle. I’m up here for Thanksgiving … and to move a truckload of stuff out of my friend’s house. Yesterday I picked up the rental truck from U-Haul. You will be happy to hear that the truck was in excellent condition, and the gentleman working there absolutely did not appear to be as high as you can be while still barely performing your work obligations at a U-Haul franchise. When they asked me to record any problems with the truck before I left, I wrote down “damage to all surfaces”. I figured that would cover any normal wear and tear.