Art by mail: The story of my badass knife

Message on postcard:
Hey Chris! Eastern Oregon is great. But you know what makes it better than great? A badass knife. I have been wanting a badass knife ever since the pig attack, when I was left high and dry without one. And then I found just such a knife on the ground at my friend Tom’s wedding. It was like a reverse wedding present from him to me. Every time I cut something up with my new knife, it will be a celebration of his marital bliss.

I have described this knife elsewhere, so I will skip over its official specs, except I do want to say that it has a neat etching of bighorn sheep, and the handle is made out of ivory that I choose to believe came from a dead pig’s tusks. Its major features are a blade, a handle, and its usefulness for cutting.

And cutting is what I have done with this knife. (Well, mostly I have used it for slicing if you want to get pedantic.) Apples taste better when eaten off its blade. And using it to cut tofu has allowed engineers to harness the energy of the knife’s designer spinning in his grave.

These days I carry my knife everywhere. You never know where pigs might be hiding.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *