Subscription postcards: The Tacoma aroma, a giant cube, and alpine megafish

Postcard collage of Tacoma sunset

Hello Carmel! I drove through Tacoma, Washington on my way to and from Thanksgiving in Seattle. I’ve passed through Tacoma probably about a hundred times, but I’ve only ever stopped there once. Tacoma is famous for what they call the “Tacoma aroma”. To be fair, the smell is a lot less worse than it used to be, but the name has stuck around even if I haven’t.

Postcard collage of gigantic northwestern Rubik's cube

Hello Evgeniya! This postcard has a Rubik’s cube on it, but to me it looks like the Borg from Stark Trek. I saw a page on the Internet that described in great detail the similarities between the Bible’s description of heaven and the Borg. Heaven is, apparently, accordion to scripture I mean, a gigantic cubic city 1,500 miles per side.

There is a lot of interesting stuff on the Internet. I saw another page that purported to show telescopically photographed evidence of intelligent life on Jupiter. It would have been way more exciting if the evidence didn’t appear to have been created in Microsoft Paint. There’s such a fine line between the work of crazy people and that of Kool Keith.

Postcard collage of high-mountain alpine fishing

Hello Jeff! Greetings from the Pacific Northwest! There are a lot of annoying environmentalists out here complaining about our nearly depleted ocean fisheries, but you’ll never hear peep from these negative nellies about our mountain fisheries, which are doing fine. All you need to eat like a king for a year is to walk up to the top of a volcano — like Mount Hood, shown here — grab your fish, and return home as our fathers did and their fathers before them. These succulent fish are light, tasty, and delicious, and thanks to their unique ability to metabolize volcanic gases, a 10,000 kilogram specimen can grow to maturity in just three weeks. It is virtually impossible to deplete these fisheries, but you won’t ever learn about this amazing food resource listening to Ralph Nader or Rage Against the Machine. In fact, pretty much the only place you will hear about these alpine mega-fish is Lyndon LaRouche’s newsletter, to which I urge you to subscribe. LaRouche is doing a lot of good work right now. He is the only major political figure working to advance the idea that global warming is caused by emissions from the Crab Nebula, an idea that I regard as being highly plausible.

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